I had ice cream tonight. Probably only half a cup, but that's 200 calories I didn't need. Goddamn hormones.
Today's intake is 935. Ugh.
Ana Banana: I love you. No for real, you're my favorite person right now. You're absolutely right. Today was an epic fail and completely horrible in every way. I can blame the PMS, I can blame the attempted fasting, but in the end I chose to eat those awful things. And they will ruin me. I already have blood sugar issues, no need to make things harder for myself! To be fair, the juicebox was low sugar fruit and veggie juice, and the granola bar had lots of fiber. But that's not enough to make it ok. I do like fruits and some veggies, but I don't eat meat. Your dip diet sounds dangerous, because I would use peanut butter as a dip! Back to fasting tomorrow. Maybe I'll allow myself a protein shake if I can't handle it (I do have 2 exams tomorrow...) Stay strong, love. You're my hero.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
simply in awe.
128.4 this morning. I guess my chocolate bar excursion wasn't as bad as I thought. I lost 1.2 pounds yesterday.
I don't understand. I should be getting my period any second now, which means I should be bloated to the point of explosion. But I'm not. And I've been drinking enough water. Maybe it's the lack of salt?
I'm giving up on the fast and just restricting. Today is a high calorie, metabolism boosting day, aiming for 800.
Intake:
juicebox: 70
granola bar: 90
donut: 200
eggs: 175
chips: 200
Total so far: 735
I can lose 3 pounds in the next week. I know I can. P won't know what hit him.
Comments:
Ariana: Welcome! Food defeated me today, but I like that word: defeat. Thanks for you support!
Charlie: you're the amazing one my dear! <3
Ana Banana: 38 may as well have been 3800 if you're fasting, even though 38 calories is fucking fantastic! I know what you mean. It is nice to know that you can start fresh every day
Charr: I'll never not beat myself up, but thanks for your support, it means a lot!
I don't understand. I should be getting my period any second now, which means I should be bloated to the point of explosion. But I'm not. And I've been drinking enough water. Maybe it's the lack of salt?
I'm giving up on the fast and just restricting. Today is a high calorie, metabolism boosting day, aiming for 800.
Intake:
juicebox: 70
granola bar: 90
donut: 200
eggs: 175
chips: 200
Total so far: 735
I can lose 3 pounds in the next week. I know I can. P won't know what hit him.
Comments:
Ariana: Welcome! Food defeated me today, but I like that word: defeat. Thanks for you support!
Charlie: you're the amazing one my dear! <3
Ana Banana: 38 may as well have been 3800 if you're fasting, even though 38 calories is fucking fantastic! I know what you mean. It is nice to know that you can start fresh every day
Charr: I'll never not beat myself up, but thanks for your support, it means a lot!
Monday, May 3, 2010
Depression.
I just ate a chocolate bar, skinnies. My blood sugar crashed (I don't know why?) and I needed the sugar surge. 220 calories. Water fast day 2; ruined. Ana Banana I'm letting you down and I'm sorry. Your strength continues to amaze me.
Total intake: 220 (NOT 0)
Total intake: 220 (NOT 0)
Progress
129.6 this morning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I haven't been under 130 since before Thanksgiving (and that was only for a few days!)
WOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
I've eaten nothing today. I'm so hungry :)
I think I aced my chemistry final.
P will be home in 8 days.
I'm flying.
I haven't been under 130 since before Thanksgiving (and that was only for a few days!)
WOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
I've eaten nothing today. I'm so hungry :)
I think I aced my chemistry final.
P will be home in 8 days.
I'm flying.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
you win some, you lose some
Today's intake:
3 eggs, scrambled: 270
8 fruit slices: 130
1 granola bar: 220
Total: 620
SHAMEFUL! NOT EVEN CLOSE TO FASTING!
The only solace I have is that I was hungry for a large part of the day, and when I'm hungry, I'm burning my stomach pudge (sorry for that visual!)
For future reference: Miralax is no good for clearing your system quickly. I took a dose Friday night and another dose Saturday night and haven't had any effects whatsoever.
I think I'm going through P withdrawal :( He's been gone for months, but the fact that I get to see him next week somehow makes me miss him even more. Silly boys.
Lovers!
Charr: Thanks for the vote of confidence! <3
Scarlet: I'd like to think that everything balances out, but I'm deathly afraid that my metabolism doesn't work that way. We'll see when I weigh in tomorrow I suppose!
Ana Banana: Yes let's do it together! I'm trying to water-fast but I'll give into protein shakes if I feel like death (Obviously today was a fail, but that's the plan). Thanks for the encouragement earlier, I definitely needed it!
Charlie: Thank you for the verbal kick in the rear! Your confidence in me was just what I needed! <3
And look at all those followers! Welcome loves, I hope you find what you're looking for here <3
3 eggs, scrambled: 270
8 fruit slices: 130
1 granola bar: 220
Total: 620
SHAMEFUL! NOT EVEN CLOSE TO FASTING!
The only solace I have is that I was hungry for a large part of the day, and when I'm hungry, I'm burning my stomach pudge (sorry for that visual!)
For future reference: Miralax is no good for clearing your system quickly. I took a dose Friday night and another dose Saturday night and haven't had any effects whatsoever.
I think I'm going through P withdrawal :( He's been gone for months, but the fact that I get to see him next week somehow makes me miss him even more. Silly boys.
Lovers!
Charr: Thanks for the vote of confidence! <3
Scarlet: I'd like to think that everything balances out, but I'm deathly afraid that my metabolism doesn't work that way. We'll see when I weigh in tomorrow I suppose!
Ana Banana: Yes let's do it together! I'm trying to water-fast but I'll give into protein shakes if I feel like death (Obviously today was a fail, but that's the plan). Thanks for the encouragement earlier, I definitely needed it!
Charlie: Thank you for the verbal kick in the rear! Your confidence in me was just what I needed! <3
And look at all those followers! Welcome loves, I hope you find what you're looking for here <3
bad bad bad bad bad
i just ate a granola bar and 8 fruit slices (you know those candy things that don't even taste good, but it's like dumping the sugar bowl into your mouth so you eat them?)
THIS IS NOT FASTING, RED! PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER!!!
will somebody else please yell at me, too? i need it
THIS IS NOT FASTING, RED! PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER!!!
will somebody else please yell at me, too? i need it
Saturday, May 1, 2010
insane in the membrane
I just had an entire post written and deleted it all because it wasn't entirely true. I was bluffing and fudging to make myself sound better. If I can't be myself with you guys, who the hell am I?
Fasted all day Thursday and continued until 6pm on Friday. I had to eat dinner because I ate with my parents, but I only had 1/2 cup of rice and some steamed broccoli and one bite of chicken (my mom tried a new recipe so I could claim to not like it without feeling too guilty). I ate a few tortilla chips with salsa Friday night, so about 400 calories for the day.
Today was harder. I had a bowl of cereal for breakfast even though I probably could have skipped breakfast without attracting too much attention. I honestly don't know why I ate it. Then we went to the wedding (my mom's best friend got remarried today- she's like my second mother) and I was proud of myself. I ate 3 grapes, a few bites of rigatoni, and 1/4 of a turkey sandwich. No cake. No delicious appetizers. Only control.
Then I got home, took a nap, and woke up ravenous. No, I wasn't even that hungry, just felt like I should eat. So I made some Kraft mac and cheese, AND ATE HALF THE BOX!!! AND FOLLOWED IT WITH TWO CHOCOLATE THINGS FROM THE WEDDING! I hate myself sometimes.... I was doing so well! Not eating when I could, restricting when I had to. WTF?! My intake for today is around 1200. Unacceptable. Yesterday's intake was less than half that. I took some laxi's today, so maybe I can ease some of the damage. P IS COMING HOME IN 10 DAYS AND I HAVE 6 POUNDS TO LOSE! I can't afford slips in control like this. I do ok when I fast, but when I start eating it's much harder to stop.
I'm going back to school in the morning, so I don't have to worry about eating to appease anyone. Being at home is so much harder, I don't know what I'm gonna do all summer. I realized today that I don't even like food that much anymore. I think that pizza-binge flipped a switch or something, and now all food makes me a little nauseous.
Weighed in at 130.6 this morning, but it was on my mom's scale so it's probably different. Obviously missed my 128-by-the-wedding goal; hopefully I can still get to 125 by the 12th...
Comments!
Ana Banana: I AM a hopeless romantic, and I know it's going to come back to bite me in the ass time and time again. But it also makes the happy times happier, so I think it's worth it. I've had my heart brutally ripped out once, so I know pain. But I know love, too. Can you have one without the other, really?
Charr: I've known P since sophomore year in high school, so 6ish years. We didn't get close until 2 years ago, then we got REALLY close last summer (if you know what I mean!) He's a truly decent person, and I find those increasingly hard to come by
p.s. Does anyone know how to link your Flickr account to the slideshow gadget? Mine won't work for some reason...
Fasted all day Thursday and continued until 6pm on Friday. I had to eat dinner because I ate with my parents, but I only had 1/2 cup of rice and some steamed broccoli and one bite of chicken (my mom tried a new recipe so I could claim to not like it without feeling too guilty). I ate a few tortilla chips with salsa Friday night, so about 400 calories for the day.
Today was harder. I had a bowl of cereal for breakfast even though I probably could have skipped breakfast without attracting too much attention. I honestly don't know why I ate it. Then we went to the wedding (my mom's best friend got remarried today- she's like my second mother) and I was proud of myself. I ate 3 grapes, a few bites of rigatoni, and 1/4 of a turkey sandwich. No cake. No delicious appetizers. Only control.
Then I got home, took a nap, and woke up ravenous. No, I wasn't even that hungry, just felt like I should eat. So I made some Kraft mac and cheese, AND ATE HALF THE BOX!!! AND FOLLOWED IT WITH TWO CHOCOLATE THINGS FROM THE WEDDING! I hate myself sometimes.... I was doing so well! Not eating when I could, restricting when I had to. WTF?! My intake for today is around 1200. Unacceptable. Yesterday's intake was less than half that. I took some laxi's today, so maybe I can ease some of the damage. P IS COMING HOME IN 10 DAYS AND I HAVE 6 POUNDS TO LOSE! I can't afford slips in control like this. I do ok when I fast, but when I start eating it's much harder to stop.
I'm going back to school in the morning, so I don't have to worry about eating to appease anyone. Being at home is so much harder, I don't know what I'm gonna do all summer. I realized today that I don't even like food that much anymore. I think that pizza-binge flipped a switch or something, and now all food makes me a little nauseous.
Weighed in at 130.6 this morning, but it was on my mom's scale so it's probably different. Obviously missed my 128-by-the-wedding goal; hopefully I can still get to 125 by the 12th...
Comments!
Ana Banana: I AM a hopeless romantic, and I know it's going to come back to bite me in the ass time and time again. But it also makes the happy times happier, so I think it's worth it. I've had my heart brutally ripped out once, so I know pain. But I know love, too. Can you have one without the other, really?
Charr: I've known P since sophomore year in high school, so 6ish years. We didn't get close until 2 years ago, then we got REALLY close last summer (if you know what I mean!) He's a truly decent person, and I find those increasingly hard to come by
p.s. Does anyone know how to link your Flickr account to the slideshow gadget? Mine won't work for some reason...
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