Up with the sun

I have a confession to make.

I did SO WELL yesterday, only 35 calories. Until bedtime.

midnight binge:
apple pie- 300 cals
fruit cup- 90 cals
coffee cake- 100 cals
cheese spread- 80 cals
crackers- 130 cals
chips- 140 cals
2 cookies- 275 cals
binge total: 1115 calories


I ATE 1115 CALORIES IN 20 MINUTES!!!!!!!!!

I layed in bed and cried for a solid half hour. I don't deserve P. I wasn't even hungry, for god's sake, I just wanted to eat. I'm such a fat piece of lard. A whale. I can't look at myself in the mirror without seeing all the times I've tried to lose weight and failed. I'm still fat.

WHY CAN'T I GET MYSELF TO 108 FUCKING POUNDS?!?!?

WHY DON'T I HAVE ANY SELF CONTROL WHATSOEVER?!?!



WHY MUST I KEEP EATING, LIKE AN ADDICT THAT JUST WANTS ONE LAST HIT!?

I am an addict. I'm addicted to food, and it's dragging me down into a deep dark fat hole. I have to quit. But it seems I can't quit cold turkey. I'm just not strong enough...


Today's plan: I will trudge on in my fasting attempt, but if I feel the urge to binge, I will allow myself a few sips of protein shake or juice, and then I MUST WAIT 30 MINUTES BEFORE ALLOWING MYSELF TO EAT. Hopefully that will be enough time to get distracted or for the shake to make me strong enough to resist.

I, Red, do solemnly swear that I will wait 30 minutes after feeling the urge to ingest this poison we call food, before I give in to the weakness. I will do everything in my power to distract myself and motivate myself to continue. If I must give in to the urge, I promise to drink a full glass of water first, and to eat only raw foods, and to eat them slowly.

I will see P in 14 hours. Do you think that's enough time for a laxi purge...?

I'm so pathetic.

Comments:
Ana Banana- Somewhat surprisingly, nobody has ever called me ginger snap and I kind of love it :) And of course you can have my CW, heaven knows I don't want the damn thing anymore!
Scarlet- I failed miserably yesterday, but I won't let you down today. Water fast (at least liquid fast <100 cals...) We can do it!