The good, the bad, and the ugly

The good: I weighed in at 131.6 this morning... I'm down 3.4 pounds from yesterday!!!
The good: Day 2 of the liquid fast has begun and I feel pretty good.
The good: I'm going to Jazzercise again today- 400 calories burned in one hour!

The bad: I have a headache that's on the verge of becoming a migraine, so I'm stuck in bed until it my meds kick in.
The bad: I missed a huge exam this morning that I'll have to make up tomorrow.
The bad: I don't think I'll be able to skip dinner tonight with my roomates, so the liquid fast may come to an early end.

The ugly: My stomach. My love handles are all stretch-marked and fat and I look like I have a beer belly. My torso is just too short for me to be this fat
The ugly: My thighs. I have this pocket of fat on my inner thighs and it's so awful. The back of my thighs are absolutely covered in cellulite and I'm so pale that it draws your attention like a neon sign: shorts are off limits until I hit 125.

Goal number 1: I'll never have a flat stomach but I would like to not look like I'm pregnant.
Goal number 2: I want to stand with my feet together and not have my thighs touching.
Goal number 3: I want my hipbones and shoulder blade to stick out- that's where the neon sign should be.

I'll update later

LATER
"hate is a strong word, but i really really really don't like you"
i hate myself right now. HATE.
my liquid fast lasted until dinner when i gladly ate that damned chicken chow mein.
i wasn't even hungry all day.
yesterday's fast completely stopped my metabolism, so eating dinner today was necessary anyway: hey body, hello, it's your owner. start working again please.

then came the binge.
i wasn't even hungry, i just wanted to eat.
and eat i did.
3 servings of pretzels, a hershey bar, 4 reese's cups, apples and peanut butter, and a milky way caramel. with dinner, it was a 1650 calorie binge.
unacceptable.

then came the purge.
i threw up once and took 3 laxatives.

then came this intense hatred of myself.
why did i binge in the first place?
why why WHY?
P is coming home in 3 weeks and i need to be under 125 by then. i'll never make it at this rate.
WHY?
tomorrow is my birthday and my parents are coming to take me to dinner. they will buy me a drink and dessert. maybe i can get away with having a salad.
regardless, tomorrow will be a waste.
so i needed to be good today.
i felt sooooo good yesterday when i didn't eat.
wtf?

and, to top it all off, i have a 5 page draft due at 4 tomorrow that i haven't started... i think i'm just going to take some sleeping pills and ptfo. i'll get up early tomorrow to do the paper. hopefully i'll be in a better mood...