so now what do i do?
i starve.
because maybe if P can see a pretty, skinny version of me, then he can see that i'm everything else he is looking for, too.
thin = happy, and P wants both of those things.
I want both of those things. desperately.
liquid fasting again today, and so far so good. i've been awake for 11 hours and i've had a little bit of protein shake and half of a soy milk: 250 calories. and 4 diet pills (i swear i only take them for the caffeine since i don't like coffee).
i love this feeling. i'm hungry, but i'm not giving in. i'm winning. for once in my life i'm finally winning the battle between me and my (lack of) self control.
update:
fruit snacks and a milky way ruined my day. 740 total intake but i gave in to the sugar. damnit.
time to step back for perspective.
i'm down 18 pounds from august. 18 pounds on a 5 foot frame is significant, right? not really... i'm a little bit less fat, but still fat. ugh.
hurray for charlie- my first follower and commenter!!! thank you for the support my dear, it means a lot
<3
I hate it, those guys that you absolutely love and want something completely different. I got one of those. Want to freaking bash his head in, goodness.
ReplyDeleteDon't give in- You are winning! You'll show everyone.
:]