I just had an entire post written and deleted it all because it wasn't entirely true. I was bluffing and fudging to make myself sound better. If I can't be myself with you guys, who the hell am I?
Fasted all day Thursday and continued until 6pm on Friday. I had to eat dinner because I ate with my parents, but I only had 1/2 cup of rice and some steamed broccoli and one bite of chicken (my mom tried a new recipe so I could claim to not like it without feeling too guilty). I ate a few tortilla chips with salsa Friday night, so about 400 calories for the day.
Today was harder. I had a bowl of cereal for breakfast even though I probably could have skipped breakfast without attracting too much attention. I honestly don't know why I ate it. Then we went to the wedding (my mom's best friend got remarried today- she's like my second mother) and I was proud of myself. I ate 3 grapes, a few bites of rigatoni, and 1/4 of a turkey sandwich. No cake. No delicious appetizers. Only control.
Then I got home, took a nap, and woke up ravenous. No, I wasn't even that hungry, just felt like I should eat. So I made some Kraft mac and cheese, AND ATE HALF THE BOX!!! AND FOLLOWED IT WITH TWO CHOCOLATE THINGS FROM THE WEDDING! I hate myself sometimes.... I was doing so well! Not eating when I could, restricting when I had to. WTF?! My intake for today is around 1200. Unacceptable. Yesterday's intake was less than half that. I took some laxi's today, so maybe I can ease some of the damage. P IS COMING HOME IN 10 DAYS AND I HAVE 6 POUNDS TO LOSE! I can't afford slips in control like this. I do ok when I fast, but when I start eating it's much harder to stop.
I'm going back to school in the morning, so I don't have to worry about eating to appease anyone. Being at home is so much harder, I don't know what I'm gonna do all summer. I realized today that I don't even like food that much anymore. I think that pizza-binge flipped a switch or something, and now all food makes me a little nauseous.
Weighed in at 130.6 this morning, but it was on my mom's scale so it's probably different. Obviously missed my 128-by-the-wedding goal; hopefully I can still get to 125 by the 12th...
Comments!
Ana Banana: I AM a hopeless romantic, and I know it's going to come back to bite me in the ass time and time again. But it also makes the happy times happier, so I think it's worth it. I've had my heart brutally ripped out once, so I know pain. But I know love, too. Can you have one without the other, really?
Charr: I've known P since sophomore year in high school, so 6ish years. We didn't get close until 2 years ago, then we got REALLY close last summer (if you know what I mean!) He's a truly decent person, and I find those increasingly hard to come by
p.s. Does anyone know how to link your Flickr account to the slideshow gadget? Mine won't work for some reason...
That's cool you've known him that long! All the better :]
ReplyDeleteSeriously, don't worry about your mini-binge today. You did amazing Thursday and Friday, so seriously don't worry bout it, kay? <3 You'll get right back on track :)
Oh don't worry, this was totally not that bad! I know exactly what you mean about coming off of fasts....I normally dread ending a fast because I have to work very hard not to just inhale something. I think the worst I did was eat two bags of chips (the big ones that cost like 3-4 bucks) and two protein bars...so your mini-binge isn't too bad!! Besides, you did so well before that it balances out!
ReplyDeleteXOXO,
Scarlet<3
So true, Red. The two go hand in hand. Hiding from feelings or shutting them off just isn't worth it. Love is awesome, so I think it's worth the risk and price too. :)
ReplyDeleteHey, about fasting! I'm starting a water fast today. We can fast together. Will you be doing water, juice, or liquid? Water fasting is pretty harsh but I'm going to aim for a standard 10 day. I guess that's pretty aggressive, but I don't actually have to go too many places in the next 10 days and work from home, so it's all good. We'll see how it goes.
P.S. Good job on the low cal days! And boohoo on the mac and cheese. But you know we love you anyway. You'll do better in the future. :)
ReplyDelete